“You’re absolutely right—and you can’t stand up in your [expletive] Rolls-Royce, either.”
An Open Letter to the Editors
This month, I’m turning my blog space over to the Business Jet Traveler reader who submitted the following letter.—Jeff Burger
An Open Letter to the Editors of Business Jet Traveler:
My wife and the elves all say I focus too much on pleasing other people and not enough on my own needs. Fair point. So here’s a confession: I’ve been hearing for some time now about how your subscribers zip from city to city on fancy business jets while checking email on Wi-Fi and watching Blu-ray movies. And I’m jealous. Frankly, a man can take only so much of that kind of talk while he’s flying around on a dilapidated sled with reindeer that should have been put out to pasture during the Nixon administration.
Hence this letter. I’ve spent far too long at the North Pole to have met anyone important, but judging by your recent cover stories, you know at least a few celebrities who have money to burn. Might you be able to ask them whether they’d be willing to help me upgrade my lift to something that’s a little more 21st century?
What I’d really like to do is ditch the sled and reindeer in favor of my own long-range bizliner with an extremely large baggage compartment. But if that’s asking too much, I’ll settle for a fractional jet share or jet card. After all, I really need to fly only one night per year, though a post-Christmas Caribbean jaunt sure wouldn’t hurt.
Keep in mind that I am a registered charity and I spend fully 91 percent of my funds on gifts for boys and girls–only 9 percent goes for administrative costs, polar excise tax on my annual flight and the occasional trinket for Mrs. Claus.
One last thing: I’d appreciate it if you could get me into the NBAA’s Blocked Aircraft Registration Request (BARR) program. Why go to the trouble of flying halfway around the world and stuffing myself down a chimney to surprise some kid only to discover that he’s been tracking every minute of my flight on his iPhone?
Ho, ho, ho, indeed! And is there anything you can do about user fees and the price of Jet-A?