How to Avoid Being an Ugly American

With more than 190 countries in the world, even the most seasoned travelers will inevitably feel out of their depth somewhere.

The new Amazon series Expats—a Nicole Kidman vehicle in which a wealthy woman suffers glamorously in Hong Kong—explores the “Americans abroad” theme. “So many people now are self-conscious of being an American abroad, because we have a bad reputation sometimes,” the series’ director, Lulu Wang, told The Wall Street Journal. “People tend to try to correct themselves. And Margaret [Nicole Kidman’s character] is that way, wants to be very considerate, wants to treat the locals well, and she has all of these things. But then when she’s struck with grief and she’s spiraling, all of those niceties and social politenesses that she’s trying to maintain fall apart.”

Henry James, of course, mined the subject thoroughly in such novels as The Portrait of a Lady, Daisy Miller, The American, and The Ambassadors, depicting travel as stimulating and enigmatic in equal measure. So did E.M. Forster (A Room with a View, A Passage to India). Their fictional traveling Americans (or in Forster’s case, traveling Brits) often prove hapless in their efforts to crack the codes in cultures not their own. Real people—and not just Americans—do the same, usually with less drama, in ways large and small, whenever they touch down and present their passports.

FYI: For local (and ironic) reasons that Henry James would have richly enjoyed, Expats is not available in Hong Kong.

Here are five ways to demonstrate cultural deftness abroad:

1. Be Cool

Ubiquitous air conditioning is a uniquely American comfort. It’s not so common in other parts of the world. Naturally, this won’t be an issue in luxury hotels around the globe, but if you rent a villa or an apartment in, say, Tuscany or the Caribbean, you may find that a/c is outfitted only in the bedrooms, so choose your accommodations accordingly. Paris is notorious for its lack of a/c, and closer to home, so is San Francisco. On the flip side, some Asian cities, such as Hong Kong and Singapore, have the a/c on full blast in their hotels and (especially) shopping malls, so bring layers of clothing even on the sultriest of days.

2. Use Both Hands

The rules of propriety and etiquette in different countries are complex, to say the least. But a few customs aren’t difficult to learn. When meeting new people in Asia, keep your hands free—you’re going to need both of them. When you present or accept a business card, your passport, a document (or basically, anything), do so with both hands. You are not just turning something over; you are expressing your humanity—and acknowledging the other person’s. Make eye contact. Don’t think about speed or efficiency. It’s a ritual. Take a beat.

3. Turn on the Charm

In efficient, commercialized American culture, it's typical to walk into a store and immediately scan the space to find what you need. Americans often look right through people. This won’t do in many places. Italy provides perhaps the best example. This is the culture that coined la dolce vita (“the sweet life”) and dolce far niente (“the sweetness of doing nothing”), so when you walk into a store in Italy—which is more likely to be a family-owned “mom-and-pop shop” than what you’ll find in chain-store-heavy America—turn on the charm. Don’t be in a rush. Greet the proprietor in Italian (Buongiorno!). Ask them how they are (Come stai?). Knowing 10 phrases in the native tongue and articulating them in a near-perfect accent goes a long way in Italy—and in France and Spain. (In Greece, however, no one expects you to speak Greek. Everything is easy in Greece.) If you’re responded to in Italian, congratulations: you’re not an ugly American. As long as you don’t say “mom-and-pop shop” out loud.

4. Beware of Lobby Larceny

In the U.S., hotel lobbies are almost always open to all; they’re quasi-public spaces where people are welcome to explore, linger, or make a rest stop. They are convenient, civilized meeting points. In top hotels in major European cities, this has traditionally been less true. You might be turned away unless you hold a room, spa, or restaurant reservation. But when Paris’s George V hotel reopened as a Four Seasons in 1999, the revered North American brand ushered in its North American openness: curious people were warmly welcomed off the street to look inside. As if in response to the hotel’s rapturous reception—in many corners, the George V was instantly named the best hotel in the world—other luxury hotels loosened their restrictive practices. The downside is that thieves know the score and are aware that Americans, in particular, harbor a false sense of security in hotel lobbies, and thus are easy targets. Tired travelers tend to walk through hotel doors and instantly think that they and their property are safe—and they're not. Many of us resist handing over our luggage, especially our small pieces, to the bellman—not to save tipping money, but because we like our things in sight. But you’re disoriented, you’ve just arrived on a long flight, and it’s impossible to keep your eyes on your Louis Vuitton bags all the time. Hand your stuff to the bellman. One less thing to think about. Of course, you can avoid any hotel lobby treachery by renting a villa. Le Collectionist specializes in France (including Provence, Corsica and the French Riviera), but also has inventory in other coveted Western Europe destinations (Greece, Italy, Spain), plus Marrakesh and the Caribbean. 

5. Consider a Guided Tour

That said, not everyone is out to get you. When you want to see the sights, do your research to figure out whether a friendly, knowledgeable guide will enhance your trip—or detract from your enjoyment. In some destinations (e.g., Vatican City), it’s best to plan ahead and book a guide to avoid the throng. In others, it’s a judgment call. Be clear with your guide that you’ll need time to explore on your own; don’t be shy about confirming how long each stop on your tour will take and insist on adjustments accordingly. Finally, there are far-flung places in the world where someone may approach you and offer to be your guide, expecting no payment. It sounds improbable. What’s the scam? There generally is none. These are students who are assigned to the site to improve their English. (The author experienced this at the Borobudur Temple Compounds in Java, Indonesia, and the encounter was touching and memorable.) 

Java photo by Drew Limsky